Lootera – Totally loots the hearts.

Lootera comes from a guy who did his schooling at Sanjay Leela Bhansali public school and graduated from Anurag Kashyap University. Vikramaditya Motwane’s debut Udaan is based on Anurag Kashyap’s life story.  Udaan’s plot deals with a expelled teenage guy who has no choice in life than to stick with his tyrant father until he takes a giant leap in his life. Each and every one of us could relate to this movie, in some frame, especially the ones stayed in boarding schools and stayed away from home during their teen phase. It was selected to compete in Cannes under Un certain regard category and won a cult status globally. Udaan will leave you spellbound with a triumphant smile and simultaneously with an ecstatic tear and a heavy heart. His Lootera, a poignant period drama, does almost the same but on a different emotional note.

The film opens with a subtle, untold note which one could hum themselves as ‘Once upon a time, long, long ago, there lived a beautiful princess called Pakhi Roy Chaudhuri’. The story and premise of Lootera can be stripped down in two lines. After hearing a story about a prince whose life has been locked up inside a parrot, a diseased Zamindari girl believes that she will die on a day when a last leaf falls from a tree. Motwane juxtaposed a good old Indian mythological short story with O’Henry classic ‘The Last leaf’ and baked a whole delicious, saccharine flavored love story under the Bollywood mainstream grammar. He has proven that one can make a successful, sensible and a soulful story without the mainstream clichés and compromise.

Amit Trivedi has composed, sorry, crowd sourced some of the best tones, orchestra & OST from Hollywood and world music. We definitely owe this guy big for bringing in the best world sounds, Indianize few and sync it perfectly. The main theme of Lootera has  been ripped from One day’s theme by Rachel Portman and you can also hear Hans Zimmer’s Time from Inception in a long run before the Intermission. But apart from few rip-offs he has composed few original scores too. Music will make you to linger around the spectacular aura on-screen, captured flawlessly by Mahendra shetty. It will be a treat, for all those who drool and jaw drop for dim lighting yellow, groovy gray and blusih black frames with gorgeous lightings.

All the characters have justified their roles perfectly. Even the ones with limited screen space won’t make you to forget them. It was a great transformation to see Sonakshi Sinha on-screen after all the brainless, sultry skin show roles that she had done right from Dabangg. She sizzles and sets the screen on fire not with her flesh but with her elegant grace and looks dashingly beautiful in a traditional Bengali Saree. From sex siren, item number dancer to an artistic performer, she made quite a great leap and Ranveer Singh is equally good, matching her charisma, paring up with her and rendering an adorable and heartwarming on-screen romance and chemistry.

Lootera is well crafted, passionately sculptured, aesthetically cam-captured, soulfully acted. Like a fairy tale romance, one can witness the magic of pure love story on-screen after ages. I don’t remember the last time I've seen an Indian romance, period drama which is as genuine and as good as Lootera. Not in the recent years at least.

Motwane elevates and transcends you into a whole different era in the first half, immerses you in an ocean of heart wrenching, melancholic emotions in the second half and finally sweeps you off completely in the climax. Amongst the big family tree domination in Bollywood industry, Motwane stands tall, stiff, solo and firm as a masterpiece ‘Last leaf’ amongst Kashyap’s kitties.  

Opening the frame with a small, glowing, hot fire flame and closing it with sad, sorrowful snow at the end, Motwane casted his magic spell throughout the film. Lootera is an original piece art and Motwane, you’re a magician.

This post of mine has been written for movie movieroundup website. You can find it here. 

Thanks to Haricharan for publishing it.

Singam 2 - The Saint, Savior and Superman of Thoothukudi

Yo! I am back after watching SINGAM 2, Bitch!. *Breaking Bad series Jesse tone*

I am fully charged up with blood boiling intensity, tones of audacity and ground-breaking curiosity… DEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!! Adraaaa, VAAAAADAAA, Thoooku raaaa, Paaaaakrayyyaaaaa daa.. DDAAAAAIIIIIII!!!  Never felt this confident, strong, sound and profound even after watching The Dark knight series or the recent Man of Steel. Yay! Our very own Desi Dirty Harry DURAISINGAM is back with a huge ultra heavy ONDRA TON WEIGHT bang this time.

Usually I do blogpost only when I love a movie from the bottom of my heart or hate it and puke it out. But this time I wanted to do a special mention post and write about this Saint, Savior and Superman of Thoothukodi.

Hari is the man with the best local plan. He won’t showcase the use of Macbook pro, Hi-tech devices, flashy gadgets and all in his films rather he makes his SINGAM to use Windows XP, MS-office tools, Google Earth, SMS, Black market pistol, IMEI tracing, Google Maps, Phone signal Jammer, Whatsapp etc.. This man has a particular style, spice, flavor and signature in almost all his movies like Saamy, Arul, Vengai, Aiyaa, Vel, Thamirabarani etc.. No one would've know their roots, people, hometown, railway platforms, bus stand, Flight timings, pump set switch, one way road route, train Tatkal fare, Hotel & Lodge bookings like the way Hari does. I am damn sure about it.

If Kubrick and Spielberg were praised for their attention to detail, our man Hari too deserves the credit, No?. Whatay attention to detail, Man. (Don’t take eggs and tomatoes) If Tarantino has some signature scenes (violence and bloody massacre) and stereotyped shots like his very famous Trunk shot, our Hari has his own shots like Mass murder in marriage hall, 144 notice bandhobasth sequence, gang riots, caste clashes, Top angle crane shot and Helicopter cam, Aerial view, Hunt down in Harbor, Flight landing close-ups, Bus & car bombing,  lorry flying, Planting drug and arresting, property round fight with Kovil mani and Kuthu vilaku, sketch pottu thukradhu, Retta paalathu kita vetradhu, otrai sandhukulla odradhu, Murugan textiles pink and blue costumes, Small town girl’s adamant love etc.. 

I felt so many goosebumps, lightening, thundering instances and jumping-from-seats Jhapak moments while watching SINGAM 2. In one scene where Surya utters a continuous English dialogue and slams his desk yelling ‘Power of Indian police’, I almost spilled my Soda on an Aaya sitting in front row. The only saving face of Singam 2 is that it’s not as horrendous or crappy as SalmOn Khan's Dabbang franchise or Ajay DevBUM's Himmatwala remake or PAAn Kalyan’s Gabbar Singh. No, I ain’t a linguistic or a demographic or a cultural racist. Even we Tamil folks have our very own Korathi's Siruthai and Hoax Pandiyan, VishOl's Vedi, Sathyam and all, I agree. 

I wish Singam 3 is made starring not 2 but 3 glamorous malgova Heroines with Surya getting transferred to Hong Kong police department, taking help of Malyasian special squad, beating the hell outta Mexican drug lord and outsmarting Scotland yard, NYPD & LAPD. INDIAN POLICE DA. Paaaaakrya daa. Bet katryaaa da. Paaru Da. Weight pannu da.

Do some 100 push ups, run/ jog few kms, stuff your ears with sponge, wear a tight T-shirt and Boot, Take a dumbbell and march to a nearby heavily crowded local theater with sweat, shit and piss stained aroma and watch SINGAM 2. You’ll definitely like it. I did the same and quite liked and enjoyed it actually, though I needed an Aspirin later on.

First half tests your acoustic decibel level, second half tests your patience, tolerance level and Climax was like GTA Vice city Miami or Malibu episode. With league of extra-ordinary gentleman cast, safe-face Santhanam, a black villain like GTA's Lance Vance, Thoothukodi cashew macroon shaped Hansika in School costume; SINGAM 2 is the TRANSFORMERS OF THOOTHUKODI with SUPERMAN DURAISINGAM SURYA as the OPTIMUS PRIME carrying the supreme energy of the Spark cube in his rugged game face. 

And yeah, there is some fundamental Vastu and Feng-shui problem if you shoot a climax in ship, no?. Thuppaki, Sura .. ain't tat Vijayish.  Oh wait, even Mani Ratnam's Kadal dealing the same problem in climax, Right?. *Scratches head*. Also that Singam dance reminded me of the climax of Madagascar movie where the real singam Alex & friends dances for 'I like to move it move it!' song. 

Yo! Hater pellows, Going to a Hari movie and complaining that it’s too loud, noisy and racy and all is like going to Saravana stores and asking for a Giovani suit or Tommy Hilfiger accessories and ordering Kotthu Parota and Kepan koozhu with Urugai in Hilton hotel, No?. Post the movie, I speeded up my bike to 127.5 kmph and drove home, personally booked a fitness trainer, extended my gym annual membership and placed an order for Ray Ban Black Aviator sunglasses in eBay.

Looks like the dubbed English version of SINGAM 2 i.e. Pacific Rim is releasing next week. But Yo! I don’t mind it even after watching the big hugonomous robot slamming other one with a real big ship in Pacific Rim trailer. I almost had similar moments in SINGAM 2 itself.

*Insert Hans Zimmer’s BWAAAAAAAAHRRRRRRMMM sound from TDKR*

P.S. You won’t believe me. Once the crowd got disbursed after the show, the parking bay gate was still locked and none of the theatre authorities were there to open it. Few guys barged the gate, banged the lock, yelled ‘Ondra ton weight da’, broke the lock and opened the gate. I was like “HOLY SHIT, This movie must be subbed and telecasted in Egypt as an energy booster for their Revolution”. 

DAAAAII!! IDHA SHARE PANRAAAAA. COMMMENT PANRAA. TWEET PANRA.  YENNI EZHE NAAAL LA PADATHA PAAAARDAA. ADINGAAAA!! 

*Takes Bolero jeep and rushes off *

This part of my life... this little part is called HappYness.!!

On June 16, 2013, In a fine Sunday morning, a sweet shocker article about myself appeared in Deccan Chronicle's Chennai Chronicle edition under the title "Movie Buff Goes Places" quoting about my passion for movie watching and my blog posts. I am yet another nano speck of dust in the big universe of Bloggers and Cinemaniacs. Yet, I feel so proud that I was recognized for it. Feeling so positive and inspiring. Now, I understood the seriousness of it and planning to spend more of my time and resources for the same. Thanks to all of you my blog visitors, followers, my virtual buddies, FAM members, Twitteratis, friends and fellow critics for sharing with me your views, opinions and recommending good movies. That dramatic 'The pursuit of Happyness' movie's job offer moment for Chris and 'Nuovo Cinema Paradiso' climax moment for adult Salvatore when he was offered the complete montage of deleted film shots with intimate scenes. *Wipes Happy Tears*

Below is the article that appeared in the newspaper column. Check this Deccan Chronicle's web link for the same.

Soodhu Kavvum - My thoughts

This is not a review. This is a passionate discussion post about the tamil movie ‘Soodhu Kavvum’ directed by Naalaya Iyakkunar fame NALAN KUMARSWAMY, starring ‘Nightingale of Tamil Indie films’, ‘Joseph Gordon-Levitt of Kollywood’, 'Darling of the Masses' VIJAY SETHUPATHI. Stop reading this right here, if you haven’t seen the film. Do step back once you've watched it.

There are plenty of articles out there in net which reviews Soodhu Kavvum and praise the cast, crew, story, script and music of the film. In this post I have tried discussing, dissecting it and expressed the instances, scenes and shots which I loved and the way I felt about it. *Story Spoiler alert*.

The genre of Soodhu Kavvum is mentioned as Dark humour & Crime comedy. But one cannot stick Soodhu Kavuum under a particular genre, I feel. It’s a mix and total troll on almost all genres and the best part is that it parodies, spoofs and makes fun on the grammar and template that was ever followed in Hollywood, Bollywood, kollywood and other foreign films. CS Amudhan’s yesteryear’s hit movie ‘Tamizh Padam’ predominantly spoofs only tamil fims but Soodhu Kavvum trolls every single cliché on all kinds of cinema. Each and every character, shot, ambience of the scene, music, crispy hilarious dialogues and cuts iterates the same.

There are hardly few directors who break the standard procedures and grammar followed during writing/ making a particular scene or shot. With my little knowledge and observation on films, I personally consider Quentin Tarantino is the master in it. One can notice the hilarious, breaking the genre attempt in almost all QT films. Take his recent ‘Django Unchained’ for example, he gives a hat and horse to a nigger and makes him a cow boy/ bounty hunter, making fun of the evil K-Klux-Klan with their own signature masks and portrays them as a bunch of lunatics. The White and Mexican owned Spaghetti western genre has been totally trolled in Django Unchained and that’s the way QT paid homage for his favorite Spaghetti western genre.

Quentin Tarantino’s ‘Reservoir Dogs’ was a big hit and it was mainly spoken for its authentic writing and making. The success of Reservoir Dogs is that it paid homage for heist and crime genre by portraying the aftermath of a failed heist rather than a sequential/ linear discussion about the plan, mode and success of the heist. But, QT would’ve seriously handled it with his own signature style of cold blood, violence and revenge. Even this legend has been marked with a template, for now.

If one form of paying homage &tribute to a classic by explicitly liking it and making an art form inspired from it, paying homage to the classics by breaking/ spoofing about is an all-together different style and tribute. It doesn't infer that one dislike/ condemn it. One familiarized, liked, loved and consumed it more and more that he starts to joke and mock about it. Nalan Kumaraswamy rightly fits the bill here.

Dark comedy or black comedy is a new genre to Tamil cinema. But Nalan, a new-face to the feature film industry, has broken the cliche, film-making grammar and totally revolutionized the tamil film industry with Soodhu Kavvum.

Breaking down Soodhu Kavvum:

Vijay Sethupathi as ‘Das’ & his idiotic trio team –  Parody take on perfect teams undergoing heist or Crime in movies like 'Sword fish', 'Oceans Series', 'Italian Job', 'Bank job' etc... It will seem like Guy Ritchie’s ‘Snatch’ stylish movie, where the characters would be completely unaware of their actions, but here the idiotic bunch does all the mad, insane things genuinely and with perfect sense. This is the main reason it tinkles your laughter bone with perfect desi-humour.

Hallucinated heroine character- Big troll and ‘on-your face Indian cinema’ attempt. Pacing and placing heroine just for a glamour material, fantasy object, item song in most of the Indian films has been hilariously thrashed. Vijay Sethupathi hallucinates that he lives with an invisible girlfriend and listens to whatever she says or comment to him. I felt it as big spoof attempt on various Hollywood films like the giant Bunny rabbit character in 'Donnie Dorko', Danny’s invisible friend from Stanley Kubrick’s 'The Shining', Norman Bates character from Alfred Hitchock’s 'Psycho', the character of a mysterious man in black car who professor Nash sees in ‘A Beautiful Mind’. Just like the above mentioned characters, Vijay Sethupathi acts and performs whatever his invisible GF says, to some extent. When his invisible GF dies, Nalan has used a musical, the one that would appear in an emotional, sad scene amongst lovers in Billy Wilder’s films, early black & white Hollywood film scenes where the couple bid farewell to each other and walk away or die in their arms, such effect. There is even an angel song ‘Sa Ga’ in the movie where she pampers and consoles Vijay Sethupathi. Hiralious take on all the dream sequence masala songs.

The silent ‘Psycho Police’ – Good cop, Bad cop, Serious Cop, Rowdy police, Encounter police etc.. we’ve fed-up and done watching lot of stereotypical cop characters in Tamil/ Indian cinema. These characters yell, scream and utter mediocre punch dialogues and give us grim/ cold bad-ass looks at all situations. Nalan has broken this template by making the villain police character dead silent without speaking a single dialogue. The best cliché/ laughter part is when the bad-ass cop gets his face punched by one of the trio member with a pistol yelling the dialogue ‘Kaila gun vechruken, sirikira’. There was a thunderous laugh for this scene in theatre. The last but not least, the ultimate 'Iruttu arayil murattu kuthu' sequence looked like a parody take on torture sequences from 'Zero dark thirty' & 'Body of lies' climax spoof.

Vijay Sethupathi’s elder brother ‘Dr. Film Director’– Mocking so many thukkada, petty case, low-level directors roaming in Kodambakkam and Saligramam, dying to make a tamil feature film for cheap fame with just money, no idea and zero brain.

The music and BGM is a big plus and even they don’t lack their part on breaking the template. ‘Mama douser kayanduchu’- trolling the classic Jazz and Blues song genre, ‘Kasu Panam Thutu Money Money’ – Kalaichifying the 1950s tamil period films where the King/ Emperor enjoys seeing a serious dance form performance in his castle, ‘Ellam kadandhu pogumada’ –Parodying MGRs Inspiration songs like ‘Nenjam undu nermai undu odu raja’ etc..

Pizza eating politician MR Radha rather than tamil politician’s stereotypical portrayal with alcohol and Chicken piece diet, Spoofing Rajini’s ‘Priya’ movie blind-folded scene by perfectly finding the route in a funny note, trolling Hitchock’s cameo in his own film-instead of Nalan Kumaraswamy- ‘Pizza’ director Karthik Subbaraj appears driving a Jaguar car, funny and sarcastic news headlines and news scrolls at the bottom while newsreader announces some serious news, following  5 golden rules on ‘kEdnapping’, using a toy helicopter for a heist, Arumai Prakasam trying to jump from a building like ‘Mission Impossible’ Tom crusie… There is Sarcasm, Satire, Spoof, Dark comedy, Observational comedy, Surreal comedy, Parody, Dramedy and genuine humor that oozes out in gallons in each and every frame of Soodhu Kavvum.

Thou shall miss Soodhu Kavvum thy sinner.

Tamil cinema's stereotypical Douser kayanduchu. Kayatiyavar Nalan Kumarasamy & VJ Sethupathi.

We south India Cinephile's won’t just decode Nolan’s films. We decipher, dissect and devote our Nalan’s film too. All hail and welcome Nalan!

Let’s all stop our utter foolish Settai and grow up

So last week I took a new avatar as a twitter troller and trolled Arindam Choudhuri (Name changed for stupid reasons) of UTV (MOTION) Pictures about Settai, so-called remake of Delhi Belly, and it getting ‘U’ certificate with No smoking or No alcohol scenes. I was completely thrown back after reading this. ‘U’ certificate for a remake version whose original/parent version has a ‘A’ Certificate? HaHaHaHaHa and I thought my jokes were bad (Insert TDK Joker laugh). Even a LKG kid will do this basic math right.

I went to watch Settai with a close friend of mine who enjoyed and laughed whole heartedly but in parts. I sat through the whole time giving a dead-pan face and laughed a bit for few scenes. Already my interest on watching Delhi Belly remake in Tamil has been completely ruined right from the moment when I heard that it’s gonna be directed by the guy who cannot adapt/ remake Jab we Met in Tamil. Seriously, Jab we met with that curd rice company owner’s over acting daughter Tamannah Pattia as Gareena Gappor and Seval, Muniyaandi Vilangiyal moodramaandu fame USA return YoYo Bharath Singh as Shahid Kappor? Are you freaking kiddin me?

The problem with this guy is that he is very good in handling and changing the dippi copy template from North to south but content & writing is where he completely misses & plasticize it. The Tamil dialogues in his films, from the original hindi one’s, would be like the subtitled Tamil songs in English for original Ayngaran DVD. Example. ‘Kadhal anukkal udambil ethanai’ would be subtitled as ‘Hello, How many love atoms you’ve in your body?’, ‘Pathu viralgal pothathu unnai konja’ as ’10 fingers won’t be enough to make excite you and happy’ WTF! something high class grammar stuff like that.

 I hope everybody who read this post would’ve seen or at least read/ heard about Delhi Belly. Produced by the perfectionist Aamir Khan who didn’t bother about the ratings/ censor-board/ Pamily audience/ ‘U’ certificate and some other bullshit, Delhi Belly is a raw, hilarious laugh riot, completely filled with cuss words & adult content. Those were the core content, essential criteria behind the film’s originality and success. Aamir & Abhinay was very sure in converting the writing in paper to scene on screen. Aamir didn’t intruded and deteriorated the auteur’s original script in the name of Pamily/ Wide audience, cause if he had such plans, he wouldn’t have dared to produce/ make it.  For its originality and rawness, It was screened in Harvard Business school during Harvard India Conference 2012. Director Abhinay Deo was invited as a special guest for it.

If you are planning/ making a pure, plain, censored, culture oriented, wannabe funny story about 3 friends who got caught in chaos with a bad guy and finally escaping, go write short stories for 2^nd grade kids, no? If you want to poke laugh on us for scenes where characters jokes about feces, fart, kick in balls or ass and passing sexist comments, please let us walk home and watch Cartoons & Looney toons where Skunk & Wimpy farts/stinks, Small pig makes funny face, Dexter or Load runner makes feces jokes, girls kick Johnny Bravo’s balls and Bluto makes sexist jokes on Popeye and Olive Oyl.

Take an adult/ black comedy movie like Withnail & I, for example. It’s one of the best British cult comedy about two unemployed adults. It’s so mature and made mainly for adult audience.  Recently I’v seen This is 40, sort of sequel to Knocked up, about a couple who struggles with their marriage life in their early 40s. It was so real, honest and a replica of day-to-day life of a 40 year old couple, told in a clichéd Hollywood style. These Adam Sandler type movies, Seth Rogen & JGLs 50-50, The Hangover, Superbad, Seven Psychopaths etc.. (List is actually big, quoting whatever that I remember rite away), I betcha it will definitely take at least a decade to make one like that in Kollywood.

If you say that you cannot make a complete sex comedy like American Pie series, No strings attached or Friends with benefits etc.. that’s  fine it’s understandable but not even Rom-coms or Adult-coms, Dei?. Say me when our Kollywood produced a rom-com. As far as I remember late Jeeva did Unnale Unnale and it’s almost gonna be a decade since its release. Prabhudeva tried Rom-com ‘Engeyum Kadhal’ with Hansika, Justin Bieber’s elder sister.? Aiyoo that’s one helluva sad story. Don’t remind me of it. I almost went bankrupt taking my whole batch-mates, who were pissed and didn’t return ticket money.

If Delhi Belly can’t be remade in tamil with this so-called culture centric Pamily audience in Tamil Nadu, then why the hell attempt one in the first place?. Settai, Stripdown or diluted version of Delhi Belly, My Balls. If you say Settai was like a Samsung S2 or HTC one, a so called strip down/ enhanced version of iPhone, I would’ve convinced to some extent but in reality it’s like a Micromax or Videocon announcing/making/ releasing an iPhone successor for Rs.2500/-. Rings a bell?. The makers think that if they couldn’t serve Rum or Gin they could serve you a beer and make you happy. Guys, please understand the fact that you’vent served us a Beer but Dog feces or Holy Cow's Komiyam.

I don’t know hindi but I feel like yelling in Delhi Belly style “Chutiya saala, Remake tho meaning nahi malum hey na, phhir kyun thum remake movie bana raha hey bhencho!”,at the makers. Hindi folks, hope you can understand.

The problem is we tamil folks haven’t explored comedy genre as rom-com or black-com or sit-com or standup-com or dramedy rather we have categorized as NSK/ MR Radha-com, Nagesh-com, Gounder & Senthil-com, Vivek-com, Vadivelu-com and now this stupid Santhanam-com & Powerstar-com (Pukes on the floor). On comedy, We’ve failed completely as a civilization. Some kollywood folks try hard and hard and make mature comedy films to some extent like Goa, Saroja, Naduvla Konjam Paaktha Kannom, Aaranya Kaandam (black comedy in parts) etc.. but rest of the folks make shitty ones like Boss engira Baskaran, Oru Kal oru Kannadi, Kanna Ladu thinna aasaya, Kedi Billa Killadi Ranga, Alex Panadian and completely abduct and keep us still in Psychiatry ward like Jack Nicholson from One flew over cuckoo’s nest.

Our censor board’s acts are even funnier than The Dictator General Aladden of Wadiyan Republic. The Dirty Picture original and dubbed version is released with ‘A’ in Tamilnadu but not ‘A’ remake version of Delhi belly?. I see our censor board as a typical Tam-Brahm ParthaSarathy uncle who would shout ‘Aiyoo Bhagavaaney abacharam Abacharam’ for sex/nude/vulgar scenes or like the Church priest from Nuovo cinema paradise who sees the movies first, bells and edits the nude/ kissing scenes and screen the censored version to the whole folks of the town. Force feeding some adults with movies like Settai, In the name family content or kudumba padam, makes them feel like an insane, immature fellow, forced by their dads to run, play and goof around in Disneyland as they aren’t allowed to hang out at pubs, clubs and restaurants. Let’s keep counting our days where we folks will still be forced to stay alone at Disney land and stand still like Jim carrey from The Truman Show.

Dreaming in Limbo state, I wish that our people mindset changes and prepares up to adapt the relaity and everybody (Director, Producer, Actors, Censorboard) must grow a pair or at least a single ball and make/ release a movie with adult/ mature comedy, offensive language, vulgar and violence content . We adult/ mature audience must support such efforts.  Dear censors, Give us a fucking ‘A’ or ‘AA’ or ‘AAA’ but release it Goddamit.

Let’s all stop our utter foolish Settai, raise our hands to lord almighty and growup by growing a pair. Amen.

Rants about Neethaane En Ponvasantham & A letter to GVM

   

 I didn’t intend to write this, but….. as Robert Downey Jr. quotes about Hulk’s nature in The Avengers movie, I am prone to anger management issues after watching a worst movie and in this case it is Neethaane En Ponvasantham movie (I prefer the title Neethaane En Piece of shit, it justifies my feelings towards 120 for ticket and 240 for popcorn bucket)

I'd a bad gut feeling about the movie after reading its caption 'This could be your love story'. The very moment I read this, I am sure that it will definitely be sucky and holy molly, I was damn right. Movie started with usual college song intro. The plot kick started from cultural day scene where our hero Varun meets his childhood pal Nithya after a longtime, post his Gonorrhea surgery. Right from that point, the audience was force fed pesticides and rolled down into a bizarre journey, a reminiscence of their check-in /check-out love story.

As kids they play in park & streets, as teens they goof around at school & math tuitions, as adolescents they date and get laid in UG days, as young adult they struggle, worry about their future by the end of their college days and finally during their mid 25’s, they undergo quarter life crisis, entering professional work life and screwing their own personal life, future and the minds of audience. This is the plot of NEP movie. Talk to me, who else hasn’t underwent these in your life?. GVM doesn’t have a story for this one and he always does this very old 25paise ‘Paambaati Paambu varuthu’ puppet show trick where he fools us by trying to replicate and portray our own lives and moments on screen under some breezy shades of blue in a beautiful fragrance with tip of the tongue cheesy English dialogues, back patting dad, caring siblings, jovial friends etc... But genetically modified hybrid reality doesn’t make an impact yo!

Rather than titling as ‘The moments from Varun & Nithyas love story’ GVM could’ve quoted as the ‘The menstrual period from Varun & Nithyas love story’ because both of them act and behave weird, immature, senseless, tensed, tired and stressed out throughout the movie in every phases of their so called love story. If someone utters that it’s the way the script is I’ll punch on your face coz there wasn’t such thing as scripted.

Santhanam, who is being added as a crowd pleasing material in all the shitty movies post 2010s, tickles our laughter bones at times but in parts. Jiiva’s originality in acting can be seen in some shots even though he was totally controlled and played by the hands of his puppet master but Samantha, my sweetie pie why you always dance or jump around or walk back forth or overact or look out of focus or put some maargazhi kolam in air with free hands and behave unstable in all shots chellam. I love you as the Jennifer Lawrence of Kollywood but you disappointed this Justin Beaver boy. We will take up acting classes together in future at Newyork, no?  *Singing baby baby baby oh oh oh !!*

On the musical note, Ilaiyaraja’s music was a big turn off. RR and BGM were pathetic. It hurts and even pains for me to write this but truth mustve been told that amateur music composers in short films and low budget feature were scoring really good than him. Ilaiyaraja music has really turned old school. ‘The Maestro’ can reserve his voice for spectacular Thiruvasagam, rare overseas concerts and occasional Yuvan’s singles.

GVM could’ve best kept his Ilaiyaraja fan-boy feelings and obsession just in the dialogue mentions and credits as he did in Vaaranam Aayiram, where Surya always quotes about Ilaiyaraja music when he gets turned on by Sameera Reddy, resulting in a boner. So many old songs, frequently heard tunes have been mercilessly attempted and the classics have been completely raped. I couldn’t remember it right now but  in theatre I felt it so many times. To quote some..‘Thendral vandhu theendum podhu’ from Avatharam, ‘Adi yaathi indha vayasula from Paruthiveeran, ‘Ada da vaa asathalam’ from sarvam has been used as a template for 3 tracks. The BGM and music in the second part was completely horrendous.  At places I felt myself as a tragic volunteer for some Sci-fi experiment titled ‘High distortion acoustics in unparalleled audiograms at brain damaging decibels’ (Definitely does sound way better than my engineering project title so patenting it).

                    

The dialogues were completely plastic, clichéd, and emotionless. English dialogues were forcefully stuffed, to try and sound like so called high society peter families does, which were evident in all GVM movies. There isn’t a one good line or dialogue to remember or feel about. The wannabe highly emotional scenes have been shot totally in wide frames and top angle. No close up for actors, meaningless wide angle shots. Edhukku Sir. I wonder that GVM took all those wide angle shots to match up and add comfortable dialogues later during recording.

                                                       ****A Letter to GVM*****

As 'Vaaranam Aayiram' Daddy advised to keep writing letter as it will make you feel good to read, use it when you ran out of tissue papers and cherish it in future, I am writting one for Gautham Menon along with few queries.

Dear GVM sir, 

You already have a descent fan-following for your films, without knowledge. I wish to mention a quote from 'The Dark Knight', my favorite Joker's line 'You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push'. Hope that makes sense. Please don’t try to be the next big thing in film industry. Why you attempt a wannabe Maniratnam from Mounaragam and Alaipaayuthey days or trying to create a new Alaigal Ooivadhillai of 2010s i.e. Vinnaithaandi Varuvaaya. Etc….Edhukku sir idhellam ?? Venam. Vitrunga. Vaarnam Aayiram paarthom. Edho rasithom. Porum. Mudiyala.

If you wish to boo your old puppy love and get her back, trying to sound like a relationship guru, playboy guitarist or a blue checked shirt specialist please try some other sources/medium/platform but not in the name of Cinema. Don’t sell this shit to audience in the form of movie. That’s bullshit. Cut this crap and go back to Minnale and Vettaiyadu Vilayaadhu days bro. Even those have been so cheesy but not like the recent ones for god sake.

P.S. I feel the urge and need to revamp myself in a GVM way. Do send me the details and specifics like name and address for the following. ‘Oppan GauthaMenon style’

1.       Apparel outlet store where I can get white Khadi shirt, plain blue shirt, Denim jeans, Slim-fit Khakis, checked shirt.
2.       Spa and salon for getting a sharp haircut, clean-shave, facial and whole body waxing for MALE.
3.       Spoken English class for enrolling myself, my mom, dad, brother, sister, close friend, GF, servant maid, homeless street kids etc.. Suggest one that gives a good deal as a package.
4.       From the crowd or a gang of girls, How to sort out and hit on arrogant chicks, self-proclaiming angel looking bitches, immature emo girls etc... Do I need to watch Twilight, Sex and the city or some Chick flicks ? DVD reccos plz.
5.       Moor market store name and titles of English novels that I should buy and stuff at my living room for the purpose of showoff in front of girls and guests at home.
6.       Music class address and Song tutor for all the on spot singing performances at school annual days & college culturals.
7.       Voice trainer to talk in fake accent for hiding my real personality. Damn! Not for the reasons Brue Wayne sounds in Batman suit but for the purpose of sounding artificially, aesthetically, abnormally, manly infront of chicks. Is Vijay TV Super singer fame Anant sir training your heroes for voice ?
8.       Personality development class conducted by bob cut Anglo Indian half sleeve Aayas and sexually starving trouser uncles. Gym instructor (the guy who trained surya 6 packs in 10 days) cell no. for fitness.
9.       Guitar vidhvaan or thambura master cell number for learning Classical Guitar from 2^nd  standard, to cuddle around guitar whenever I feel sissy.
10.   Dance school name and dance master address for performing ‘Group la Dupe’ dance in a single intro song. Note: Currently undertaking classes from Kala master.
11.   Map route for Engineering college admission office, Mechanical dept. HOD phone no., College hostel rent etc...
12.   Apartment broker website URL for booking flats and homes near ECR, Anna Nagar, Fisherman’s cove or Foreshore estate for personal reasons. *Winks*
13.   Laptop bag or Backpack brand name and rate quote.
14.   Torrent link for downloading Ilaiyaraja songs in MP3, MP4, WAV formats along with BGM, OST, RR, Single, Karaoke, Cappella versions etc..
15.   Woodland shoes model number and size.
16.    Place to shop or online purchase a Harry Potter Wand or a Neuralyzer from Men In Black to erase the memory of watching this movie.

Delay in response is ok. I can understand your busy at the success party of NEP movie. But do reply for all my queries and help a poor soul to shape up, be fit, talk english, dress blue and score completely infront of chicks.

Thanks & Regards,
Surya s/o Krishnan,
ECR Road Apartments,
Newyork, Central park, Times square, Wall street, Berkley, California, Chennai, Banglore.

                                                      *******End******

Planning to host an alternate title contest for the title ‘Nethaane En Ponvasantham’. Please fill your entries. Winners will be awarded Uncut, Unshot, Unedited, Unwritten, Undeveloped Bluray version of GVM’s yesteryear cult classic Nadunisi Naaigal. Bwaaaahhhh….

My entries goes like..

Nethaane En Pencil Dabba, Nethaane En Pantry cup, Nethaane En Piece of shit, Nethaane En Puberty, etc..

Come on. Post your entries …

Cloud Atlas - A Two face review

Disclaimer: This post contains plot spoilers. Do not read this if you haven' t watched or read Cloud Atlas.

If you completely liked, loved Cloud Atlas, read the protagonist version and shed out happy tears. 

If you totally disliked, hated, couldn't understand it, do read the Antagonist/ parody version. Sit back and have a fun read.

P.S. For a musical reading experience, play this cloud atlas sextet and read it. 

Cloud Atlas – Everything is connected. A Protagonist Version.

Cloud Atlas is a stunning hexaptych, a clandestine composite film. By hexaptych, I try to brand that cloud atlas is a classic renaissance painting filled with six panels or sections painted in a beautiful canvas (a silver-screen here), depicting  an anthology of six different stories- that are interconnected and entwined in multiple themes and highly sedative theories of life, love, birth, death, existentialism, spirituality, reincarnation, modernism, past life etc….

If the thematic essence of cloud atlas must be realized, understood and dwelled upon, one must be familiar having watched lots of films that deal with multi-layered screenplay, hyperlink cinema. If you are a voracious reader, and came across nested stories and interwoven narratives - thereby intriguing lot of fantasy elements in it, that definitely helps in understanding cloud atlas.

Hyperlink Cinema, which is multi-linear in a more metaphorical sense, is one among the best, revolutionary things that happened in the film genre. It started way long before the advent of color films, but its tremendous rise and popularity can be well noticed in the past two decades.

My personal favorites under Hyperlink cinema includes like Amores Perros, The Edge of Heaven, 21 Grams, Mulholland Dr., City of Gods, Memento, Pulp fiction, Babel, Sin city, Crash etc..

For understanding Cloud Atlas in high level, I would recommend you to watch ‘The Fountain’ by Darren Aronofsky, ‘Café De flore’ by Jean-Marc Vallée, ‘Hereafter’ by Clint Eastwood.  These are the films that came as Déjà vu and flashed in my visual cortex while watching Cloud Atlas. Moreover these were close enough to explain cloud atlas to some extent.

‘The Fountain’ is a simple love story, triple layered screenplay, with a single quest- spanning across the past, present and future. ‘Café De flore’ is a musical film with two layered plot- dealing with love and reincarnation. ‘Hereafter’ is a supernatural fantasy drama based on the lives of a psychic, a tsunami survivor and 2005 London tunnel bombing survivor.

 If you’ve seen these flicks, you can get to know that the plot is dealt and revolved around with characters and stories that grow up on a sequential, contiguous timeline- often moved through a single quest/ motto/ search. Cloud Atlas here breaks another record by taking a further leap by narrating six different stories in a complete disoriented timeline that spans over centuries and moved in multilevel patterns.

Plot: 

The plot goes on in a circular loop with an idiomatic context, not like ‘What goes around comes around’ but ‘What starts here ends here’. An old Zachry sitting in a sandy beach narrates the story of a voyager, whose incomplete journal lands up in the hands of a struggling sextet composer, who shares his music and love in the form of letters with his gay partner, who turns out to be a whistle-blower against a nuclear research. 

Ok I’ll pause here. *Takes deep breath and continues*.

Meanwhile an old publisher tries to escape from filthy money lenders, unwillingly ends up in an old-age home and plans for an escape. This story is seen in a cinematic format by a genetically-engineered fabricant (clone) in a dystopian future society, where she starts to rebels against the exploitation of her race. *Gulps Soda*

On a distant post-apocalyptic earth, Meronym, a member of futuristic civilization paves a visit to a tribal clan. The fabricant from the dystopian society is idolized and worshipped by this clan. Young Zachry helps Meronym to find cloud atlas that would send a signal to the people who live in the outskirts of earth.

Finally it ends, where it starts. We could see old Zachry finishing his story telling session in the beach and returns back home with old Meronym. Behind them, we can see a pale blue dot that represents the Earth. Pheww..

Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Hugo Weaving, Jim Sturgess makes their appearance in all these six stories with interesting roles. A character that plays a protagonist version in one film plays an antagonist in another. Circle of life. Period.

A single character in all the stories carries a birth mark which gives us a hint to observe the theme of transmigrating souls. Irrespective of the criticisms, Tom Tykwer and the Wachowskis has made the fellow critics and cinephiles awestruck by adapting the unadoptable novel. They have also left us open lots of loop holes, loose ends, knots and puzzle that can be observed, discussed and ranted by the fans.

Cloud Atlas will be hailed and studied in future. Seen it twice already and will see it n number of times, hoping that each and every viewing will add up and stir a better shake, compared to the previous viewing.

Just like Memento DVD that has a special cut which runs in a Chronological sequence, I hope that Tom Tykwer and the Wachowskis release a Chronological cut of Cloud Atlas. That cut should run these six stories in parts as 6 different short films, each spanning over 27 mins. Similar to the documentary ‘Room 237’ that explains the hidden concepts, theories and philosophies of Stanley Kubrick’s masterpiece ‘The Shining’, a documentary follow up must be made for Cloud atlas that explains the movie from lots of perspectives.

No wonder that this film received 10 mins of standing ovation in Toronto International Film festival. Watch Cloud atlas right away before some worst, cash grab, reboot/sequel movie steals the silver screen. Do watch this massive film in a big screen and get your minds blown in nanos. P.S. Don’t walk out near the end credits. Wait for it to roll out exposing the interesting character lineups. 

Cloud Atlas - 6/6

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Cloud Atlas: An antagonist version.

How to Prepare cloud atlas ?

Take 6 individual stories from top 6 genres of all time. Interconnect them. Integrate these six stories with x pieces, differentiate them into y pieces with each chunk running a minute. Yes, it’s the goddamn calculus. Jumble the chunks in a non-linear sequence. Add more of philosophic ingredients. Screw the audience mind like the way editor got his head jagged in the edit table. Mix it and mash up like how masala poori is mixed with khatta, mheeta, jeera and dhahi. Serve it plateful. Yeppie. Cloud Atlas is ready to eat.

Let’s see about these six stories in detail. I couldn’t recollect these six titles easily. So I renamed it for my comfort and understanding. Here it goes…

The Slave and the Sea:

Just like OC/BC/MBC/SC/ST quota in engineering colleges, there will be separate quota in Academy Awards every year under all categories of nominations. 

White helps black, superior helps inferior, dick helps douche- such types. You can find this in films like The Help, Hotel Rwanda, Blood Diamond, Schindler’s list etc… This is one such story.

On a Gold rush, a white guy finds a slave in his deck and helps him, fights for his right. Boo. 

Musical letters of a bi-sex(ual)tet composer:

In every film festivals you can find this type of film, which explains and explores the world of homosexual people, Incest- their life, love, pain and struggle. This is one such story.

An amanuensis for a musical composer struggles to compose a cloud atlas sextet. He shares his experiences and thoughts with this gay partner through letters. Finally kills himself with pain and regret. 

The Diving bell and the Journalist:

Erin Brockovich, The Insider, Whistle blower, Witness Protection Program, State of Play.

Journo facing and escaping all barricades to safeguard the truth..Meh.

Not a superhero script, but this is another single hero/ heroine where the lead will decode the entire conspiracy, the hidden mystery, the mythical mattresses, the lost sauce packet, the unfried finger chips etc… This may not be a serious script, but definitely wins box-office, Home DVD sales and big roles for the lead actors.

Oldies day out:

Movies like Prison Escape, A man escaped, Shawsank Redemption - dealing with a single guy or a group escaping a lockup, can be juxtaposed with movie scripts in which people are trying to get out of a mental asylum. Eg. One flew over cuckoo’s nest, K-Pax, Shock corridor etc..

A bunch of old, unfunny douchebags figures to escape an old-age home and executes it. On the verge of getting caught, they finally escapes. *Yawns* *Skips to next plot*

Do watch ‘It’s a kinda funny story’. It’s the young version of it and its really funny.

The White knight rises:

Minority Report, Terminator, Artificial Intelligence, Avatar, Bicentennial Man, Fabricants, Cyborg, The Island, Surrogates, Daydreamers, Transformers.

Our greedy human race has become even filthier in a so-called dystopian future society. Just like exploiting nature, feminism, freedom and democracy, human race has ended up exploiting fragments (clones) too in such futuristic society. Under the leadership of a clone named Sonmi 451, they rebel against the human race condemning the totalitarian state.

So basically, we mess with these clones, fabricants, machines, cyborgs etc.. and they fight us back. *Bitch Please*

Apocalypto & Co. meets the Star wars:

Cow Boy meets aliens, Harry Potter meets twilight, Spiderman meets Joker.

Makes sense ? Well that’s the whole point of this story.

This chapter is an epic facepalm. It simply reminded me of Wall-E movie where the fatso captain sits in-front of a big computer googles about earth and family. Eva coming down to earth in search of a plant, meets Wall-E, befriends and use him. Imagine the apocalyptic Tom hanks as Wall-E and White dressed Halle Berry as Eva. Wall-E helps Eva and he worries about the abandoned earth, while fighting with its own inner ego and demon.

Did you guys get the logic? Its fucking same. Goddamn !!

Too many CG, racist/worst makeups, multiple roles, lots of theories, 6 different stories with a mediocre hope that at least one story will satisfy audience in an individual manner. So there is nothing great about cloud atlas. It just like Andhra Meals or masala movies which has all spices, sweets, starters, main course, salads, desserts, Intro songs, fight, love, romance, family sentiments etc.. Even though it will make us feel full, it often gives us big headache, stomach pain, nausea and diarrhea. 

One can even consider watching Cloud Atlas as a 'Navarathri' screening, in which 6 films were played in a row the whole night to stay awake. Go for cloud atlas by telling yourself that you are gonna watch 6 films for the price of one.

P.S. If someone advise me to read the book, Ill punch and gift you 'Twilight' and '50 shades of grey' anthology. That’s what I call it as an epic. Damn you all cloud atlas likers !!

'Kshay' Movie Review - Classy, bold and brilliant

Kshay (Corrode) – directed by Karan Gour

Obsession – When you don’t know why you like it and want it, but still you madly need it.

Kshay is the typical portrayal of middle class people in our modern society. By looking at the high class people's lifestyle, the way the middle class people dreams about the money, wealth and fame is far beyond comparison. What Karan Gour has done with Kshay is classy, bold and brilliant.

If ‘Avatar’ plot can be compared or related to the fight of nations for natural resources, concepts of Hinduisms, Neyitri's character as mother nature etc., Kshay’s  plot can be compared with the struggling Indian middle class, their obsession towards wealth in their day-to-day lives. Arvind, a hard working family guy, struggles for the completion of an unfinished construction. He fights with his contractor who loots a portion of his monthly wage consistently. Chhaya, a typical middle class house wife gets obsessed with Hindu Goddess Laxmi's statue, which is far beyond her need and scope of owing it.

Hit by a stone on her cheek, Chhaya walks with a scar the whole movie, which she ironically carries as the bandwagon status that the society imprints on the face of middle class. When goddess Laxmi’s statue flashes in front of her face, she gets the glimpse of wealth, a hope and a leap of faith. With lot of factors drawing and captivating her to own the Laxmi statue, she attempts desperately to buy the statue at any cost- yes, AT ANY COST. What will be the heights of extremity that she will reach to get it, lies the plot which is so obsessive in depicting the levels of craziness and insanity.

In Kshay, black and white texture has been well chosen and used at its best, along with the natural lighting. To picturize obsession, not necessarily one needs glorious colors to portray it. Colors are not needed in detail for a subject, to get obsessed with. Entire film lies in Chhaya's obsession in acquiring the Laxmi statue. The texture of black and white draws us well to feel her obsessiveness. The haunting background score blends well with traumatizing cuts, composed and edited by Karan Gour himself.

It’s unfair to compare our very own Indie filmmakers with others. But, If Q, the director of the Indie movie Gandu (2010 SAIFF winner) was termed as the ‘Gaspar Noé of India’, then Karan Gour has every right to be called as the ‘Lars von Trier of India’. What Darren Aronofsky and Danny Boyle did with addiction in ‘Requiem for a Dream’ and ‘Trainspotting’, Karan Gour does the same with obsession in Kshay.

I felt some sorts of Lars von trier’s ‘Antichrist’ moments while watching Kshay. The scene where Chhaya worries to Arvind about her miscarriage (the stunning, slow, steady, b&w prologue scene from Antichrist where the baby falls and the couple worries later), the tree art in the boy’s T-shirt at the statue shop (the same tree under which Antichrist duo make love, with satanic images around them in delusive sots), the way Chhaya hears and feels certain strangeness in and around her home (when Antichrist heroine hearing voices and whispers around the woods).

Kudos to Karan Gour & team for making Kshay possible amongst all odds. Kshay is a pure work of passion and a genuine piece of art. Art, at its highest level of obsessiveness swinging to-and-fro the eyes of the ultimate observer. The best psychological thriller I have seen in this year so far.

Go and grab a copy of Kshay DVD right away to immerse in the world of obsession.

You can watch the full movie online from youtube, Officially. Click Here

If you love to watch black and white films drooling all the way, check out my list of ‘Top 20 favorite B&W films’ so far. Few films in the below list has its plot dealing with certain type of psychological condition, not Intentional though. To my surprise I found this only after making this list.

1.       Breathless by Jean-Luc-Godard,

2.       The General  by Buster Keaton,

3.       High noon by Fred Zinnemann,

4.       It’s a wonderful Life by Frank Capra,

5.       The bicycle Thieves by Vittorio De Sica,

6.       All about eve by Joseph L. Mankiewicz,

7.       Apu Trilogy by Satyajit Ray,

8.       Seven Samurai by Akira Kurosawa,

9.       Mr. Hulot’s Holiday by Jacques Tati

10.   Persona  by Ingmar Bergman

11.   12 Angry Men by Sidney Lumet,

12.   Sunset Boulevard by Billy Wilder,

13.   Following by Christopher Nolan,

14.   Polytechnique by Denis Villeneuve,

15.   Pi by Darren Aronofsky,

16.   Modern Times by Charlie Chaplin,

17.   The Artist by Michel Hazanavicius,

18.   Manhattan by Woody Allen ,

19.   Le Trou (The Hole) by Jacques Becker,

20. Brief Encounter by David Lean.