Anjaan - A passionate LGBT revenge saga that none understood

In these recent years, lot of genre breaking Tamil cinema has been released, right from Soodhu Kaavum to the most recent Jigarthanda. Young filmmakers are on a roll and mission to change the system which has been polluted, populated, pissed, puked, corrupted, drugged, seduced, BDSMd by assholes with money and cinema background. Young filmmakers, and the awareness that they’d created, are a potential threat to mainstream filmmakers and star actors who are making desperate attempts to make a brainless, commercial, money making film.

I watched Anjaan in a European city where very few Tamil films gets released. The last release was Irandam Ulagam. The tamil distributor at my place become almost homeless after releasing the movie it seems. After that disaster, he tried to release Anjaan but poor fellow, I guess, is homeless now.

Anjaan is a revelation in tamil cinema. No, in Indian cinema. No, in world cinema. I guess the audience didn't understood the story and plot line exactly. We don’t have an innovative, knowledgeable tamil crowd, you see. Let me break down the story for you.

Raju bhai and Chandru are a passionate, homosexual gangsta couple. They’d fallen in love after moving to Mumbai, even before turning as gangsters. They workout, go to male salon, do whole body waxing, pedicure, manicure, eye brow threading, lip job, nose job, blo… and everything together. Raju bhai is greatly feared by the entire city but loved passionately by Chandru. Raju bhai, Chandru and his gangster aren’t like the typical Mumbai gangsters or India or Pandora or Mars planet gangsters. They are cool, hi-fi dudes, successful modelling stars and Gold gym platinum card members who drive Range Rover, Mini cooper and use Apple Mac laptop, iPhone, do roof top barbecue, use GRE vocabulary and all in their regular conversation (clumsy crowd).

Raju bhai come across Jeeva, the heroine, who resists and avoids marriage as she is not sure about her own gender, sexuality and existence. This 10^th grade, bikini, barbie girl from Mean girls movie hits on our Raju bhai without realizing that he is gay. Raju bhai gets confused of his own sexual orientation, after the heroine’s encounter and approach towards him. He plans to turn straight or bisexual or whatever.

The villain, the CEO gangster of the city, dislikes the popularity and attention that these gay gangsters had got themselves. He despises them and uses a P word (Panni meaning pig, which is even worse than N word nigga) on Chandru. As his gay partner was cursed, Raju bhai kidnaps the villain and strips him in front of Chandru for a pole/ lap dance. Chandru gets deeply touched, not physically but emotionally, because of this act. There was almost a close, up tight sexual encounter and a steamy lip lock in a scene where Chandru gifts Raju, his boyfriend/ husband (or whatever role play they are into) a Mini Cooper. I told you know, they were hi-fi gangsters bitches! I guess the sex scene was censored or trimmed for U certificate. The villain gets irritated and kills both Chandru and Raju.

BANG BANG BANG!! Intermission. A Short break for taking the guy/ girl next to your movie seat to loo and BANG BANG BANG!!

Raju escapes the shootout and comes back to find the villain and the traitors of his gang who were responsible for the death of his Juliet, Chandru. Raju disguises himself as Krishna and claims himself as brother of Raju, with a clean shave, spectacles and a walk stick. This makeover is something similar to the twin or negative double in MGR movies where a character wears a small mole or lungi or mud/ black make up and performs the role of the hero’s twin. The changeover from Raju to Krishna is remarkable. Screw these make-up artists from Cloud Atlas, Hobbit and The curious case of Benjamin Button, I say. The make up man who had made a Photoshop make up to the kid version of Surya in Aadhavan might've done this film. 

Later, we were shown a flashback where the heroine finds the homo stuff between Chandru and Raju and asks them about it. She even tries for a threesome, but, as Raju bhai and Chandru gets intimate and avoids her in their conversation and sexual act, she leaves the scene with despair and broken heart. She even acknowledges Raju bhai's love for Chandru and blesses them to live happily ever after. As she couldn’t change Raju’s sexual orientation, she converts her religion and wears a Purdha. Please don’t ask me why.

Krishna finds the killers and traitors by roaming from Bar to club, pub, Whore house, Real estate office, Merriot hotel, Car parking etc.. He almost kills the villain by shooting at the holographic projection of villain., Remember the one made for Tupac and NaMo?. Yeah, Science bitch!! After missing the chance he finally kills the villain and settles with heroine. This is Anjaan’s real story.

I guess the director, editor, musician, actor, producer and everybody associated with the project were either high with weed and marijuana, the whole time, or simply wanted to make fun of the audience and society. No sane or conscious person can pull off a script (not sure if they’d one) or a movie like this. This is a benchmark in Indian cinema and a LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) awareness film that nobody has had the patience, guts, passion, ambition and knowledge to create and understand in our society. The makers must consider sending this to Cannes or Busan or Toronto or Tribeca film festival. They celebrate movies with homosexual context and it wins so many awards at lot of International film festivals. Sex sells in film festivals, man, and only that intellectual crowd can decode and dissect the inner meanings of films of these sorts.

The entire movie is so unreal. The story happens in a whole different universe. You’ll never come across any of these characters in any world. May be, there is a less possibility to find them in Irandam or Moondram ulagam. I was surprised to know that the marketing team of Chennai express movie is still promoting and advertising their movie, even after a year from its release. Pepsi, Apple, CAT boots, Rayban, Range Rover, BIG Cinemas were also sponsors of the film, it seems. The second half of the movie gives a big tribute/ ode to Hans Zimmer, Slumdog Millionaire OST Dreams on fire, 70s exploitation and Blaxploitation films, their music, Hologram etc.. I guess this is the spoof comedy movie Azhuguni Kumar directed by Karthik (Siddarrth) in Jigarthanda, starring Bobby Simha.

Rather than Anjaan, they should’ve titled this film rhyming something similar to Blue is the Warmest color or Strangers by the Lake, two great films about the topics on homosexuality and love, that I’d watched recently. How about renaming the title to Mumbai is the warmest city or G(h)ay by the Shore? Oh, poor me, English title means no tax exemption, right? But boobs, cleavage, booty, brothel, violence, bloodshed and vulgarity are allowed for U Certificate? Whatever man.

I wonder why no one yet had found out or made a claim that this violent, gay, gangster, revenge saga is copied from the 2012 South Korean film Ambalaingalin Gajagajavo by Jing-Jangke Jhuk. Drop me a message for torrent link of this Korean film, if you need. I am also looking forward a success party by the makers, titled "'Firstu girl from Pammal to wear bikini: SUCCESS MEET" (Courtesy: @WothaDei).

If you still haven’t seen Ahhhhhhhhhhnnnnjhhhaaaaannnnnn, go watch this masterpiece, a fine work of art from director marijuana funded by modern day corporate #$%#$^!$^!$^!$^%^&$#!@!#~#.

P.S. The next time, if you enter a gay bar and find a tattoo or entry stamp sealed ‘Raju Bhai’, Please don’t be surprised, and a guy with toothpick basically passes you an erotic signal for giving you a blo… *BEEEEEEP*

There goes my €10 down the drain. 

Singam 2 - The Saint, Savior and Superman of Thoothukudi

Yo! I am back after watching SINGAM 2, Bitch!. *Breaking Bad series Jesse tone*

I am fully charged up with blood boiling intensity, tones of audacity and ground-breaking curiosity… DEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!! Adraaaa, VAAAAADAAA, Thoooku raaaa, Paaaaakrayyyaaaaa daa.. DDAAAAAIIIIIII!!!  Never felt this confident, strong, sound and profound even after watching The Dark knight series or the recent Man of Steel. Yay! Our very own Desi Dirty Harry DURAISINGAM is back with a huge ultra heavy ONDRA TON WEIGHT bang this time.

Usually I do blogpost only when I love a movie from the bottom of my heart or hate it and puke it out. But this time I wanted to do a special mention post and write about this Saint, Savior and Superman of Thoothukodi.

Hari is the man with the best local plan. He won’t showcase the use of Macbook pro, Hi-tech devices, flashy gadgets and all in his films rather he makes his SINGAM to use Windows XP, MS-office tools, Google Earth, SMS, Black market pistol, IMEI tracing, Google Maps, Phone signal Jammer, Whatsapp etc.. This man has a particular style, spice, flavor and signature in almost all his movies like Saamy, Arul, Vengai, Aiyaa, Vel, Thamirabarani etc.. No one would've know their roots, people, hometown, railway platforms, bus stand, Flight timings, pump set switch, one way road route, train Tatkal fare, Hotel & Lodge bookings like the way Hari does. I am damn sure about it.

If Kubrick and Spielberg were praised for their attention to detail, our man Hari too deserves the credit, No?. Whatay attention to detail, Man. (Don’t take eggs and tomatoes) If Tarantino has some signature scenes (violence and bloody massacre) and stereotyped shots like his very famous Trunk shot, our Hari has his own shots like Mass murder in marriage hall, 144 notice bandhobasth sequence, gang riots, caste clashes, Top angle crane shot and Helicopter cam, Aerial view, Hunt down in Harbor, Flight landing close-ups, Bus & car bombing,  lorry flying, Planting drug and arresting, property round fight with Kovil mani and Kuthu vilaku, sketch pottu thukradhu, Retta paalathu kita vetradhu, otrai sandhukulla odradhu, Murugan textiles pink and blue costumes, Small town girl’s adamant love etc.. 

I felt so many goosebumps, lightening, thundering instances and jumping-from-seats Jhapak moments while watching SINGAM 2. In one scene where Surya utters a continuous English dialogue and slams his desk yelling ‘Power of Indian police’, I almost spilled my Soda on an Aaya sitting in front row. The only saving face of Singam 2 is that it’s not as horrendous or crappy as SalmOn Khan's Dabbang franchise or Ajay DevBUM's Himmatwala remake or PAAn Kalyan’s Gabbar Singh. No, I ain’t a linguistic or a demographic or a cultural racist. Even we Tamil folks have our very own Korathi's Siruthai and Hoax Pandiyan, VishOl's Vedi, Sathyam and all, I agree. 

I wish Singam 3 is made starring not 2 but 3 glamorous malgova Heroines with Surya getting transferred to Hong Kong police department, taking help of Malyasian special squad, beating the hell outta Mexican drug lord and outsmarting Scotland yard, NYPD & LAPD. INDIAN POLICE DA. Paaaaakrya daa. Bet katryaaa da. Paaru Da. Weight pannu da.

Do some 100 push ups, run/ jog few kms, stuff your ears with sponge, wear a tight T-shirt and Boot, Take a dumbbell and march to a nearby heavily crowded local theater with sweat, shit and piss stained aroma and watch SINGAM 2. You’ll definitely like it. I did the same and quite liked and enjoyed it actually, though I needed an Aspirin later on.

First half tests your acoustic decibel level, second half tests your patience, tolerance level and Climax was like GTA Vice city Miami or Malibu episode. With league of extra-ordinary gentleman cast, safe-face Santhanam, a black villain like GTA's Lance Vance, Thoothukodi cashew macroon shaped Hansika in School costume; SINGAM 2 is the TRANSFORMERS OF THOOTHUKODI with SUPERMAN DURAISINGAM SURYA as the OPTIMUS PRIME carrying the supreme energy of the Spark cube in his rugged game face. 

And yeah, there is some fundamental Vastu and Feng-shui problem if you shoot a climax in ship, no?. Thuppaki, Sura .. ain't tat Vijayish.  Oh wait, even Mani Ratnam's Kadal dealing the same problem in climax, Right?. *Scratches head*. Also that Singam dance reminded me of the climax of Madagascar movie where the real singam Alex & friends dances for 'I like to move it move it!' song. 

Yo! Hater pellows, Going to a Hari movie and complaining that it’s too loud, noisy and racy and all is like going to Saravana stores and asking for a Giovani suit or Tommy Hilfiger accessories and ordering Kotthu Parota and Kepan koozhu with Urugai in Hilton hotel, No?. Post the movie, I speeded up my bike to 127.5 kmph and drove home, personally booked a fitness trainer, extended my gym annual membership and placed an order for Ray Ban Black Aviator sunglasses in eBay.

Looks like the dubbed English version of SINGAM 2 i.e. Pacific Rim is releasing next week. But Yo! I don’t mind it even after watching the big hugonomous robot slamming other one with a real big ship in Pacific Rim trailer. I almost had similar moments in SINGAM 2 itself.

*Insert Hans Zimmer’s BWAAAAAAAAHRRRRRRMMM sound from TDKR*

P.S. You won’t believe me. Once the crowd got disbursed after the show, the parking bay gate was still locked and none of the theatre authorities were there to open it. Few guys barged the gate, banged the lock, yelled ‘Ondra ton weight da’, broke the lock and opened the gate. I was like “HOLY SHIT, This movie must be subbed and telecasted in Egypt as an energy booster for their Revolution”. 

DAAAAII!! IDHA SHARE PANRAAAAA. COMMMENT PANRAA. TWEET PANRA.  YENNI EZHE NAAAL LA PADATHA PAAAARDAA. ADINGAAAA!! 

*Takes Bolero jeep and rushes off *

Soodhu Kavvum - My thoughts

This is not a review. This is a passionate discussion post about the tamil movie ‘Soodhu Kavvum’ directed by Naalaya Iyakkunar fame NALAN KUMARSWAMY, starring ‘Nightingale of Tamil Indie films’, ‘Joseph Gordon-Levitt of Kollywood’, 'Darling of the Masses' VIJAY SETHUPATHI. Stop reading this right here, if you haven’t seen the film. Do step back once you've watched it.

There are plenty of articles out there in net which reviews Soodhu Kavvum and praise the cast, crew, story, script and music of the film. In this post I have tried discussing, dissecting it and expressed the instances, scenes and shots which I loved and the way I felt about it. *Story Spoiler alert*.

The genre of Soodhu Kavvum is mentioned as Dark humour & Crime comedy. But one cannot stick Soodhu Kavuum under a particular genre, I feel. It’s a mix and total troll on almost all genres and the best part is that it parodies, spoofs and makes fun on the grammar and template that was ever followed in Hollywood, Bollywood, kollywood and other foreign films. CS Amudhan’s yesteryear’s hit movie ‘Tamizh Padam’ predominantly spoofs only tamil fims but Soodhu Kavvum trolls every single cliché on all kinds of cinema. Each and every character, shot, ambience of the scene, music, crispy hilarious dialogues and cuts iterates the same.

There are hardly few directors who break the standard procedures and grammar followed during writing/ making a particular scene or shot. With my little knowledge and observation on films, I personally consider Quentin Tarantino is the master in it. One can notice the hilarious, breaking the genre attempt in almost all QT films. Take his recent ‘Django Unchained’ for example, he gives a hat and horse to a nigger and makes him a cow boy/ bounty hunter, making fun of the evil K-Klux-Klan with their own signature masks and portrays them as a bunch of lunatics. The White and Mexican owned Spaghetti western genre has been totally trolled in Django Unchained and that’s the way QT paid homage for his favorite Spaghetti western genre.

Quentin Tarantino’s ‘Reservoir Dogs’ was a big hit and it was mainly spoken for its authentic writing and making. The success of Reservoir Dogs is that it paid homage for heist and crime genre by portraying the aftermath of a failed heist rather than a sequential/ linear discussion about the plan, mode and success of the heist. But, QT would’ve seriously handled it with his own signature style of cold blood, violence and revenge. Even this legend has been marked with a template, for now.

If one form of paying homage &tribute to a classic by explicitly liking it and making an art form inspired from it, paying homage to the classics by breaking/ spoofing about is an all-together different style and tribute. It doesn't infer that one dislike/ condemn it. One familiarized, liked, loved and consumed it more and more that he starts to joke and mock about it. Nalan Kumaraswamy rightly fits the bill here.

Dark comedy or black comedy is a new genre to Tamil cinema. But Nalan, a new-face to the feature film industry, has broken the cliche, film-making grammar and totally revolutionized the tamil film industry with Soodhu Kavvum.

Breaking down Soodhu Kavvum:

Vijay Sethupathi as ‘Das’ & his idiotic trio team –  Parody take on perfect teams undergoing heist or Crime in movies like 'Sword fish', 'Oceans Series', 'Italian Job', 'Bank job' etc... It will seem like Guy Ritchie’s ‘Snatch’ stylish movie, where the characters would be completely unaware of their actions, but here the idiotic bunch does all the mad, insane things genuinely and with perfect sense. This is the main reason it tinkles your laughter bone with perfect desi-humour.

Hallucinated heroine character- Big troll and ‘on-your face Indian cinema’ attempt. Pacing and placing heroine just for a glamour material, fantasy object, item song in most of the Indian films has been hilariously thrashed. Vijay Sethupathi hallucinates that he lives with an invisible girlfriend and listens to whatever she says or comment to him. I felt it as big spoof attempt on various Hollywood films like the giant Bunny rabbit character in 'Donnie Dorko', Danny’s invisible friend from Stanley Kubrick’s 'The Shining', Norman Bates character from Alfred Hitchock’s 'Psycho', the character of a mysterious man in black car who professor Nash sees in ‘A Beautiful Mind’. Just like the above mentioned characters, Vijay Sethupathi acts and performs whatever his invisible GF says, to some extent. When his invisible GF dies, Nalan has used a musical, the one that would appear in an emotional, sad scene amongst lovers in Billy Wilder’s films, early black & white Hollywood film scenes where the couple bid farewell to each other and walk away or die in their arms, such effect. There is even an angel song ‘Sa Ga’ in the movie where she pampers and consoles Vijay Sethupathi. Hiralious take on all the dream sequence masala songs.

The silent ‘Psycho Police’ – Good cop, Bad cop, Serious Cop, Rowdy police, Encounter police etc.. we’ve fed-up and done watching lot of stereotypical cop characters in Tamil/ Indian cinema. These characters yell, scream and utter mediocre punch dialogues and give us grim/ cold bad-ass looks at all situations. Nalan has broken this template by making the villain police character dead silent without speaking a single dialogue. The best cliché/ laughter part is when the bad-ass cop gets his face punched by one of the trio member with a pistol yelling the dialogue ‘Kaila gun vechruken, sirikira’. There was a thunderous laugh for this scene in theatre. The last but not least, the ultimate 'Iruttu arayil murattu kuthu' sequence looked like a parody take on torture sequences from 'Zero dark thirty' & 'Body of lies' climax spoof.

Vijay Sethupathi’s elder brother ‘Dr. Film Director’– Mocking so many thukkada, petty case, low-level directors roaming in Kodambakkam and Saligramam, dying to make a tamil feature film for cheap fame with just money, no idea and zero brain.

The music and BGM is a big plus and even they don’t lack their part on breaking the template. ‘Mama douser kayanduchu’- trolling the classic Jazz and Blues song genre, ‘Kasu Panam Thutu Money Money’ – Kalaichifying the 1950s tamil period films where the King/ Emperor enjoys seeing a serious dance form performance in his castle, ‘Ellam kadandhu pogumada’ –Parodying MGRs Inspiration songs like ‘Nenjam undu nermai undu odu raja’ etc..

Pizza eating politician MR Radha rather than tamil politician’s stereotypical portrayal with alcohol and Chicken piece diet, Spoofing Rajini’s ‘Priya’ movie blind-folded scene by perfectly finding the route in a funny note, trolling Hitchock’s cameo in his own film-instead of Nalan Kumaraswamy- ‘Pizza’ director Karthik Subbaraj appears driving a Jaguar car, funny and sarcastic news headlines and news scrolls at the bottom while newsreader announces some serious news, following  5 golden rules on ‘kEdnapping’, using a toy helicopter for a heist, Arumai Prakasam trying to jump from a building like ‘Mission Impossible’ Tom crusie… There is Sarcasm, Satire, Spoof, Dark comedy, Observational comedy, Surreal comedy, Parody, Dramedy and genuine humor that oozes out in gallons in each and every frame of Soodhu Kavvum.

Thou shall miss Soodhu Kavvum thy sinner.

Tamil cinema's stereotypical Douser kayanduchu. Kayatiyavar Nalan Kumarasamy & VJ Sethupathi.

We south India Cinephile's won’t just decode Nolan’s films. We decipher, dissect and devote our Nalan’s film too. All hail and welcome Nalan!

Rants about Neethaane En Ponvasantham & A letter to GVM

   

 I didn’t intend to write this, but….. as Robert Downey Jr. quotes about Hulk’s nature in The Avengers movie, I am prone to anger management issues after watching a worst movie and in this case it is Neethaane En Ponvasantham movie (I prefer the title Neethaane En Piece of shit, it justifies my feelings towards 120 for ticket and 240 for popcorn bucket)

I'd a bad gut feeling about the movie after reading its caption 'This could be your love story'. The very moment I read this, I am sure that it will definitely be sucky and holy molly, I was damn right. Movie started with usual college song intro. The plot kick started from cultural day scene where our hero Varun meets his childhood pal Nithya after a longtime, post his Gonorrhea surgery. Right from that point, the audience was force fed pesticides and rolled down into a bizarre journey, a reminiscence of their check-in /check-out love story.

As kids they play in park & streets, as teens they goof around at school & math tuitions, as adolescents they date and get laid in UG days, as young adult they struggle, worry about their future by the end of their college days and finally during their mid 25’s, they undergo quarter life crisis, entering professional work life and screwing their own personal life, future and the minds of audience. This is the plot of NEP movie. Talk to me, who else hasn’t underwent these in your life?. GVM doesn’t have a story for this one and he always does this very old 25paise ‘Paambaati Paambu varuthu’ puppet show trick where he fools us by trying to replicate and portray our own lives and moments on screen under some breezy shades of blue in a beautiful fragrance with tip of the tongue cheesy English dialogues, back patting dad, caring siblings, jovial friends etc... But genetically modified hybrid reality doesn’t make an impact yo!

Rather than titling as ‘The moments from Varun & Nithyas love story’ GVM could’ve quoted as the ‘The menstrual period from Varun & Nithyas love story’ because both of them act and behave weird, immature, senseless, tensed, tired and stressed out throughout the movie in every phases of their so called love story. If someone utters that it’s the way the script is I’ll punch on your face coz there wasn’t such thing as scripted.

Santhanam, who is being added as a crowd pleasing material in all the shitty movies post 2010s, tickles our laughter bones at times but in parts. Jiiva’s originality in acting can be seen in some shots even though he was totally controlled and played by the hands of his puppet master but Samantha, my sweetie pie why you always dance or jump around or walk back forth or overact or look out of focus or put some maargazhi kolam in air with free hands and behave unstable in all shots chellam. I love you as the Jennifer Lawrence of Kollywood but you disappointed this Justin Beaver boy. We will take up acting classes together in future at Newyork, no?  *Singing baby baby baby oh oh oh !!*

On the musical note, Ilaiyaraja’s music was a big turn off. RR and BGM were pathetic. It hurts and even pains for me to write this but truth mustve been told that amateur music composers in short films and low budget feature were scoring really good than him. Ilaiyaraja music has really turned old school. ‘The Maestro’ can reserve his voice for spectacular Thiruvasagam, rare overseas concerts and occasional Yuvan’s singles.

GVM could’ve best kept his Ilaiyaraja fan-boy feelings and obsession just in the dialogue mentions and credits as he did in Vaaranam Aayiram, where Surya always quotes about Ilaiyaraja music when he gets turned on by Sameera Reddy, resulting in a boner. So many old songs, frequently heard tunes have been mercilessly attempted and the classics have been completely raped. I couldn’t remember it right now but  in theatre I felt it so many times. To quote some..‘Thendral vandhu theendum podhu’ from Avatharam, ‘Adi yaathi indha vayasula from Paruthiveeran, ‘Ada da vaa asathalam’ from sarvam has been used as a template for 3 tracks. The BGM and music in the second part was completely horrendous.  At places I felt myself as a tragic volunteer for some Sci-fi experiment titled ‘High distortion acoustics in unparalleled audiograms at brain damaging decibels’ (Definitely does sound way better than my engineering project title so patenting it).

                    

The dialogues were completely plastic, clichéd, and emotionless. English dialogues were forcefully stuffed, to try and sound like so called high society peter families does, which were evident in all GVM movies. There isn’t a one good line or dialogue to remember or feel about. The wannabe highly emotional scenes have been shot totally in wide frames and top angle. No close up for actors, meaningless wide angle shots. Edhukku Sir. I wonder that GVM took all those wide angle shots to match up and add comfortable dialogues later during recording.

                                                       ****A Letter to GVM*****

As 'Vaaranam Aayiram' Daddy advised to keep writing letter as it will make you feel good to read, use it when you ran out of tissue papers and cherish it in future, I am writting one for Gautham Menon along with few queries.

Dear GVM sir, 

You already have a descent fan-following for your films, without knowledge. I wish to mention a quote from 'The Dark Knight', my favorite Joker's line 'You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push'. Hope that makes sense. Please don’t try to be the next big thing in film industry. Why you attempt a wannabe Maniratnam from Mounaragam and Alaipaayuthey days or trying to create a new Alaigal Ooivadhillai of 2010s i.e. Vinnaithaandi Varuvaaya. Etc….Edhukku sir idhellam ?? Venam. Vitrunga. Vaarnam Aayiram paarthom. Edho rasithom. Porum. Mudiyala.

If you wish to boo your old puppy love and get her back, trying to sound like a relationship guru, playboy guitarist or a blue checked shirt specialist please try some other sources/medium/platform but not in the name of Cinema. Don’t sell this shit to audience in the form of movie. That’s bullshit. Cut this crap and go back to Minnale and Vettaiyadu Vilayaadhu days bro. Even those have been so cheesy but not like the recent ones for god sake.

P.S. I feel the urge and need to revamp myself in a GVM way. Do send me the details and specifics like name and address for the following. ‘Oppan GauthaMenon style’

1.       Apparel outlet store where I can get white Khadi shirt, plain blue shirt, Denim jeans, Slim-fit Khakis, checked shirt.
2.       Spa and salon for getting a sharp haircut, clean-shave, facial and whole body waxing for MALE.
3.       Spoken English class for enrolling myself, my mom, dad, brother, sister, close friend, GF, servant maid, homeless street kids etc.. Suggest one that gives a good deal as a package.
4.       From the crowd or a gang of girls, How to sort out and hit on arrogant chicks, self-proclaiming angel looking bitches, immature emo girls etc... Do I need to watch Twilight, Sex and the city or some Chick flicks ? DVD reccos plz.
5.       Moor market store name and titles of English novels that I should buy and stuff at my living room for the purpose of showoff in front of girls and guests at home.
6.       Music class address and Song tutor for all the on spot singing performances at school annual days & college culturals.
7.       Voice trainer to talk in fake accent for hiding my real personality. Damn! Not for the reasons Brue Wayne sounds in Batman suit but for the purpose of sounding artificially, aesthetically, abnormally, manly infront of chicks. Is Vijay TV Super singer fame Anant sir training your heroes for voice ?
8.       Personality development class conducted by bob cut Anglo Indian half sleeve Aayas and sexually starving trouser uncles. Gym instructor (the guy who trained surya 6 packs in 10 days) cell no. for fitness.
9.       Guitar vidhvaan or thambura master cell number for learning Classical Guitar from 2^nd  standard, to cuddle around guitar whenever I feel sissy.
10.   Dance school name and dance master address for performing ‘Group la Dupe’ dance in a single intro song. Note: Currently undertaking classes from Kala master.
11.   Map route for Engineering college admission office, Mechanical dept. HOD phone no., College hostel rent etc...
12.   Apartment broker website URL for booking flats and homes near ECR, Anna Nagar, Fisherman’s cove or Foreshore estate for personal reasons. *Winks*
13.   Laptop bag or Backpack brand name and rate quote.
14.   Torrent link for downloading Ilaiyaraja songs in MP3, MP4, WAV formats along with BGM, OST, RR, Single, Karaoke, Cappella versions etc..
15.   Woodland shoes model number and size.
16.    Place to shop or online purchase a Harry Potter Wand or a Neuralyzer from Men In Black to erase the memory of watching this movie.

Delay in response is ok. I can understand your busy at the success party of NEP movie. But do reply for all my queries and help a poor soul to shape up, be fit, talk english, dress blue and score completely infront of chicks.

Thanks & Regards,
Surya s/o Krishnan,
ECR Road Apartments,
Newyork, Central park, Times square, Wall street, Berkley, California, Chennai, Banglore.

                                                      *******End******

Planning to host an alternate title contest for the title ‘Nethaane En Ponvasantham’. Please fill your entries. Winners will be awarded Uncut, Unshot, Unedited, Unwritten, Undeveloped Bluray version of GVM’s yesteryear cult classic Nadunisi Naaigal. Bwaaaahhhh….

My entries goes like..

Nethaane En Pencil Dabba, Nethaane En Pantry cup, Nethaane En Piece of shit, Nethaane En Puberty, etc..

Come on. Post your entries …

Mugamoodi - My Thoughts

The movie starts with this below quote.

“As you think, so shall you become.” – Bruce Lee. 

Yes, agreed..

But while thinking, do remember,

"Your mind is the scene of the crime". – Christopher Nolan

I want to confess my thoughts, predictions, premise and conclusions that I felt while watching the film.

Right from the beginning, everything seemed odd rather offbeat. Mysskin boasting about the fights and techniques used in the film, the possible ways that he was going to make a lineup of sequels, 12kg super-hero suit, actors learning martial arts and stuff. Like most of you, I thought this is either going to suck money in the blatant name of martial arts (like Surya's 7aam Arivu) or its going be a desperate attempt to make a super-hero movie from a Hollywood flick. Great snakes, to my surprise it was a compost of both and the viewers were royally screwed.

I am a big fan of Mysskin right from his debut movie Chitiram Pesudhadi. I still remember the excitement and slowly building seriousness and tension while watching Anjaathey. I pretty much liked the desi-Kikujiro (Nandhalaala) and Yuddham sei. But, Mugamoodi ….. I CAN’T BARE !!!

Curtains rose at the multiplex screen, along with my expectations. Once the villain was shown and the first shot faded to, sort-of a comic, Marvel or DC Comic book pages flipping from top to bottom, I felt a slight punch in my abs. 

The Plot:

Expectations:

Hero is so passionate about Kung-fu (they call it so). Feels his Kung-fu Master his Godfather.  Hero wanders aimlessly and falls for a bieberlicious chick. Couldn’t tolerate the crimes happening in the society, hero turns himself to a masked vigilante. An invincible gang performs series of robberies around the city and a cop is so desperate to catch them. Finally how Mr.Mugamoodi caught the gang, lies the ultimate suspense and surprise in the story.

Reality:

A street kung-fu guy who calls himself Bruce wayne.. sorry Bruce Lee,  gets a boner seeing a gigantic brunette whose IQ level will definitely be topped by a kid at play school. To control his boner and to see her at night, he prepares a rexine suit with the help of a grandpa- wannabe Lucius Fox. On the parallel world, at chennai's Arkham asylum, a guy with serious psychological condition robs the city at night, after watching Heath Ledger’s inevitable performance in ‘The Dark Knight’ from HBO continuously for a month. Along with it, I assume he might have watched ‘The Town’ (masks) and ‘Kung fu Hustle’ (The Axe gang), that makes him pathetically attempt and try uttering dialogues for which even 7-year olds will give a face palm. Meanwhile Commissioner Gordon, yes you are right, Naaser tries to catch this robber. How Mr. Mugamoodi goofs up, spoofs up himself and kills the villain hilariously lies the ultimate idiocracy.

How Mugamoodi could’ve happened:

After watching hell lot of Akira Kurosawa and Takeshi Kitano movies for ‘n’ number of times, Mysskin was desperate to kick some real a$$ in Kollywood. Combining his love and interest for martial arts, voracious reading, comics, super-hero stories, Mysskin in one night stand with a Jack Daniel's whiskey, successfully turned as Ram Gopal Varma of Kollywood (hope you movie buffs can understand what I am trying to say). A script was finally written on a puked tissue stolen from a local bar (which was show in the first song). Names it as a different, off-beat daring attempt.

I don't want to write more about this. Furnishing possible,

Trivia, FAQ’s, assumptions, theories and conclusion from Mugamoodi:

·     No its not a rip off of MGR’s ‘Engal veetu Pillai’. Booo.

·     This film is a dedication to Bruce Lee. No, not to his mysterious death.

·     Nolan’s ‘Batman’ Trilogy DVD can be purchased for the ticket price at Moore Market.

·   If you want to read about tamil super hero stories, go and buy the classic tamil comics ‘Irumbukka Maayavi’ from Rani comics, 3^rd lane, Bunder street, T-Nagar, Chennai.  (Click here to trace in Google maps). Hoooo.

·     Naaser is the Morgan Freeman of south Indian films. But in this flick he fits in the role of Commissioner Gordon, than Lucius Fox.

·    Heroine is the runner up in Miss Universe. Her acting is perfect that she can be casted in Desi/Tamil version of Jersey Shore series yet to be aired in Star Vijay TV.

·     Narain has some serious condition and deep pain in acting after knowing the fact that ‘Heath Ledger’ was dead, post his 'Joker' performance.

·      No, Anguswamy’s character (Narain) was not offered to Actor Santhanam initially.

·      Mysskin fantasized Dark knight climax mating with Spiderman-3 climax for Mugamoodi’s climax.

·     Climax, shot in harbor, 30 kids in a school bus, tied and hanged from a crane, with heroine tied to a rope, villain willingly loses his hand and falling down from the..... WTF !!

·      You may get the Dejavu of Bruce Lee’s Bigboss, Fist of fury etc.. in some shots when one kung-fu guy goes and hits the other guys from his opponent school for insulting his master.

·      Reason for Grandpa Character wearing the Sherlock Holmes suit with funny hat and a pipe in climax, only god knows. (Don’t tell me that he was with the guy from costume department)

·       You will love to watch dubbed super hero movies in theatres after watching Mugamoodi.

·       I ain’t going to a Mysskin movie again unless if its shot in yellow-bulb, dim light.

·     This is what happens when an unstoppable force (experiment subject, dumbness) meets  an immovable object (mass, high budget, crowd pleasing).

·      Oh yes, this guy K makes some good BGM, Seriously.

Further contributions, comments, views, trolls are welcomed. 

For all you people who were fed up watching ‘Mugamoodi’, I suggest you to watch ‘Supermen of Malegaon’. Please do watch it. I assure that your laughing bone and brains will definitely be tingled.

P.S. If someone is offended directly or indirectly in the above post, am.... Dude just STFU, go and watch this movie for 3 hours. You'll understand my pain.