So last week I took a new avatar as a twitter
troller and trolled Arindam Choudhuri (Name changed for stupid reasons) of UTV (MOTION) Pictures about Settai, so-called remake of Delhi Belly, and it getting ‘U’
certificate with No smoking or No alcohol scenes. I was completely thrown back
after reading this. ‘U’ certificate for a remake version whose original/parent
version has a ‘A’ Certificate? HaHaHaHaHa and I thought my jokes were bad
(Insert TDK Joker laugh). Even a LKG kid will do this basic math right.
I went to watch Settai with a close friend of
mine who enjoyed and laughed whole heartedly but in parts. I sat through the
whole time giving a dead-pan face and laughed a bit for few scenes. Already my
interest on watching Delhi Belly remake in Tamil has been completely ruined
right from the moment when I heard that it’s gonna be directed by the guy who
cannot adapt/ remake Jab we Met in Tamil. Seriously, Jab we met with that curd
rice company owner’s over acting daughter Tamannah Pattia as Gareena Gappor and
Seval, Muniyaandi Vilangiyal moodramaandu fame USA return YoYo Bharath Singh as
Shahid Kappor? Are you freaking kiddin me?
The problem with this guy is that he is very
good in handling and changing the dippi copy template from North to south but
content & writing is where he completely misses & plasticize it. The
Tamil dialogues in his films, from the original hindi one’s, would be like the subtitled
Tamil songs in English for original Ayngaran DVD. Example. ‘Kadhal anukkal
udambil ethanai’ would be subtitled as ‘Hello, How many love atoms you’ve
in your body?’, ‘Pathu viralgal pothathu unnai konja’ as ’10 fingers
won’t be enough to make excite you and happy’ WTF! something high class grammar
stuff like that.
I hope
everybody who read this post would’ve seen or at least read/ heard about Delhi
Belly. Produced by the perfectionist Aamir Khan who didn’t bother about the
ratings/ censor-board/ Pamily audience/ ‘U’ certificate and some other
bullshit, Delhi Belly is a raw, hilarious laugh riot, completely filled with
cuss words & adult content. Those were the core content, essential criteria
behind the film’s originality and success. Aamir & Abhinay was very sure in
converting the writing in paper to scene on screen. Aamir didn’t intruded and
deteriorated the auteur’s original script in the name of Pamily/ Wide audience,
cause if he had such plans, he wouldn’t have dared to produce/ make it. For its originality and rawness, It was screened
in Harvard Business school during Harvard India Conference 2012. Director
Abhinay Deo was invited as a special guest for it.
If you are planning/ making a pure, plain,
censored, culture oriented, wannabe funny story about 3 friends who got caught
in chaos with a bad guy and finally escaping, go write short stories for 2nd
grade kids, no? If you want to poke laugh on us for scenes where characters
jokes about feces, fart, kick in balls or ass and passing sexist comments,
please let us walk home and watch Cartoons & Looney toons where Skunk &
Wimpy farts/stinks, Small pig makes funny face, Dexter or Load runner makes
feces jokes, girls kick Johnny Bravo’s balls and Bluto makes sexist jokes on
Popeye and Olive Oyl.
Take an adult/ black comedy movie like Withnail
& I, for example. It’s one of the best British cult comedy about two
unemployed adults. It’s so mature and made mainly for adult audience. Recently I’v seen This is 40, sort of
sequel to Knocked up, about a couple who struggles with their marriage
life in their early 40s. It was so real, honest and a replica of day-to-day
life of a 40 year old couple, told in a clichéd Hollywood style. These Adam
Sandler type movies, Seth Rogen & JGLs 50-50, The Hangover, Superbad, Seven
Psychopaths etc.. (List is actually big, quoting whatever that I remember rite
away), I betcha it will definitely take at least a decade to make one like that
in Kollywood.
If you say that you cannot make a complete sex
comedy like American Pie series, No strings attached or Friends
with benefits etc.. that’s fine it’s
understandable but not even Rom-coms or Adult-coms, Dei?. Say me when our
Kollywood produced a rom-com. As far as I remember late Jeeva did Unnale Unnale
and it’s almost gonna be a decade since its release. Prabhudeva tried Rom-com
‘Engeyum Kadhal’ with Hansika, Justin Bieber’s elder sister.? Aiyoo that’s
one helluva sad story. Don’t remind me of it. I almost went bankrupt taking my
whole batch-mates, who were pissed and didn’t return ticket money.
If Delhi Belly can’t be remade in tamil with
this so-called culture centric Pamily audience in Tamil Nadu, then why the hell
attempt one in the first place?. Settai, Stripdown or diluted version of Delhi
Belly, My Balls. If you say Settai was like a Samsung S2 or HTC one, a so
called strip down/ enhanced version of iPhone, I would’ve convinced to some
extent but in reality it’s like a Micromax or Videocon announcing/making/
releasing an iPhone successor for Rs.2500/-. Rings a bell?. The makers think
that if they couldn’t serve Rum or Gin they could serve you a beer and make you
happy. Guys, please understand the fact that you’vent served us a Beer but Dog
feces or Holy Cow's Komiyam.
I don’t know hindi but I feel like yelling in
Delhi Belly style “Chutiya saala, Remake tho meaning nahi malum hey na,
phhir kyun thum remake movie bana raha hey bhencho!”,at the makers. Hindi
folks, hope you can understand.
The problem is we tamil folks haven’t explored
comedy genre as rom-com or black-com or sit-com or standup-com or dramedy
rather we have categorized as NSK/ MR Radha-com, Nagesh-com, Gounder & Senthil-com,
Vivek-com, Vadivelu-com and now this stupid Santhanam-com & Powerstar-com
(Pukes on the floor). On comedy, We’ve failed completely as a civilization.
Some kollywood folks try hard and hard and make mature comedy films to some
extent like Goa, Saroja, Naduvla Konjam Paaktha Kannom, Aaranya Kaandam (black
comedy in parts) etc.. but rest of the folks make shitty ones like Boss
engira Baskaran, Oru Kal oru Kannadi, Kanna Ladu thinna aasaya, Kedi
Billa Killadi Ranga, Alex Panadian and completely abduct and keep us still
in Psychiatry ward like Jack Nicholson from One flew over cuckoo’s nest.
Our censor board’s acts are even funnier than The
Dictator General Aladden of Wadiyan Republic. The Dirty Picture
original and dubbed version is released with ‘A’ in Tamilnadu but not ‘A’
remake version of Delhi belly?. I see our censor board as a typical
Tam-Brahm ParthaSarathy uncle who would shout ‘Aiyoo Bhagavaaney abacharam
Abacharam’ for sex/nude/vulgar scenes or like the Church priest from Nuovo
cinema paradise who sees the movies first, bells and edits the nude/ kissing
scenes and screen the censored version to the whole folks of the town. Force
feeding some adults with movies like Settai, In the name family content or
kudumba padam, makes them feel like an insane, immature fellow, forced by their
dads to run, play and goof around in Disneyland as they aren’t allowed to hang
out at pubs, clubs and restaurants. Let’s keep counting our days where we folks
will still be forced to stay alone at Disney land and stand still like Jim
carrey from The Truman Show.
Dreaming in Limbo state, I wish that our people
mindset changes and prepares up to adapt the relaity and everybody (Director,
Producer, Actors, Censorboard) must grow a pair or at least a single ball and
make/ release a movie with adult/ mature comedy, offensive language, vulgar and
violence content . We adult/ mature audience must support such efforts. Dear censors, Give us a fucking ‘A’
or ‘AA’ or ‘AAA’ but release it Goddamit.
Let’s all stop our utter foolish Settai, raise our hands to
lord almighty and growup by growing a pair. Amen.
