Sunday, April 7, 2013

Let’s all stop our utter foolish Settai and grow up

So last week I took a new avatar as a twitter troller and trolled Arindam Choudhuri (Name changed for stupid reasons) of UTV (MOTION) Pictures about Settai, so-called remake of Delhi Belly, and it getting ‘U’ certificate with No smoking or No alcohol scenes. I was completely thrown back after reading this. ‘U’ certificate for a remake version whose original/parent version has a ‘A’ Certificate? HaHaHaHaHa and I thought my jokes were bad (Insert TDK Joker laugh). Even a LKG kid will do this basic math right.

I went to watch Settai with a close friend of mine who enjoyed and laughed whole heartedly but in parts. I sat through the whole time giving a dead-pan face and laughed a bit for few scenes. Already my interest on watching Delhi Belly remake in Tamil has been completely ruined right from the moment when I heard that it’s gonna be directed by the guy who cannot adapt/ remake Jab we Met in Tamil. Seriously, Jab we met with that curd rice company owner’s over acting daughter Tamannah Pattia as Gareena Gappor and Seval, Muniyaandi Vilangiyal moodramaandu fame USA return YoYo Bharath Singh as Shahid Kappor? Are you freaking kiddin me?

The problem with this guy is that he is very good in handling and changing the dippi copy template from North to south but content & writing is where he completely misses & plasticize it. The Tamil dialogues in his films, from the original hindi one’s, would be like the subtitled Tamil songs in English for original Ayngaran DVD. Example. ‘Kadhal anukkal udambil ethanai’ would be subtitled as ‘Hello, How many love atoms you’ve in your body?’, ‘Pathu viralgal pothathu unnai konja’ as ’10 fingers won’t be enough to make excite you and happy’ WTF! something high class grammar stuff like that.

 I hope everybody who read this post would’ve seen or at least read/ heard about Delhi Belly. Produced by the perfectionist Aamir Khan who didn’t bother about the ratings/ censor-board/ Pamily audience/ ‘U’ certificate and some other bullshit, Delhi Belly is a raw, hilarious laugh riot, completely filled with cuss words & adult content. Those were the core content, essential criteria behind the film’s originality and success. Aamir & Abhinay was very sure in converting the writing in paper to scene on screen. Aamir didn’t intruded and deteriorated the auteur’s original script in the name of Pamily/ Wide audience, cause if he had such plans, he wouldn’t have dared to produce/ make it.  For its originality and rawness, It was screened in Harvard Business school during Harvard India Conference 2012. Director Abhinay Deo was invited as a special guest for it.

If you are planning/ making a pure, plain, censored, culture oriented, wannabe funny story about 3 friends who got caught in chaos with a bad guy and finally escaping, go write short stories for 2nd grade kids, no? If you want to poke laugh on us for scenes where characters jokes about feces, fart, kick in balls or ass and passing sexist comments, please let us walk home and watch Cartoons & Looney toons where Skunk & Wimpy farts/stinks, Small pig makes funny face, Dexter or Load runner makes feces jokes, girls kick Johnny Bravo’s balls and Bluto makes sexist jokes on Popeye and Olive Oyl.


Take an adult/ black comedy movie like Withnail & I, for example. It’s one of the best British cult comedy about two unemployed adults. It’s so mature and made mainly for adult audience.  Recently I’v seen This is 40, sort of sequel to Knocked up, about a couple who struggles with their marriage life in their early 40s. It was so real, honest and a replica of day-to-day life of a 40 year old couple, told in a clichéd Hollywood style. These Adam Sandler type movies, Seth Rogen & JGLs 50-50, The Hangover, Superbad, Seven Psychopaths etc.. (List is actually big, quoting whatever that I remember rite away), I betcha it will definitely take at least a decade to make one like that in Kollywood.

If you say that you cannot make a complete sex comedy like American Pie series, No strings attached or Friends with benefits etc.. that’s  fine it’s understandable but not even Rom-coms or Adult-coms, Dei?. Say me when our Kollywood produced a rom-com. As far as I remember late Jeeva did Unnale Unnale and it’s almost gonna be a decade since its release. Prabhudeva tried Rom-com ‘Engeyum Kadhal’ with Hansika, Justin Bieber’s elder sister.? Aiyoo that’s one helluva sad story. Don’t remind me of it. I almost went bankrupt taking my whole batch-mates, who were pissed and didn’t return ticket money.

If Delhi Belly can’t be remade in tamil with this so-called culture centric Pamily audience in Tamil Nadu, then why the hell attempt one in the first place?. Settai, Stripdown or diluted version of Delhi Belly, My Balls. If you say Settai was like a Samsung S2 or HTC one, a so called strip down/ enhanced version of iPhone, I would’ve convinced to some extent but in reality it’s like a Micromax or Videocon announcing/making/ releasing an iPhone successor for Rs.2500/-. Rings a bell?. The makers think that if they couldn’t serve Rum or Gin they could serve you a beer and make you happy. Guys, please understand the fact that you’vent served us a Beer but Dog feces or Holy Cow's Komiyam.

I don’t know hindi but I feel like yelling in Delhi Belly style “Chutiya saala, Remake tho meaning nahi malum hey na, phhir kyun thum remake movie bana raha hey bhencho!”,at the makers. Hindi folks, hope you can understand.

The problem is we tamil folks haven’t explored comedy genre as rom-com or black-com or sit-com or standup-com or dramedy rather we have categorized as NSK/ MR Radha-com, Nagesh-com, Gounder & Senthil-com, Vivek-com, Vadivelu-com and now this stupid Santhanam-com & Powerstar-com (Pukes on the floor). On comedy, We’ve failed completely as a civilization. Some kollywood folks try hard and hard and make mature comedy films to some extent like Goa, Saroja, Naduvla Konjam Paaktha Kannom, Aaranya Kaandam (black comedy in parts) etc.. but rest of the folks make shitty ones like Boss engira Baskaran, Oru Kal oru Kannadi, Kanna Ladu thinna aasaya, Kedi Billa Killadi Ranga, Alex Panadian and completely abduct and keep us still in Psychiatry ward like Jack Nicholson from One flew over cuckoo’s nest.

Our censor board’s acts are even funnier than The Dictator General Aladden of Wadiyan Republic. The Dirty Picture original and dubbed version is released with ‘A’ in Tamilnadu but not ‘A’ remake version of Delhi belly?. I see our censor board as a typical Tam-Brahm ParthaSarathy uncle who would shout ‘Aiyoo Bhagavaaney abacharam Abacharam’ for sex/nude/vulgar scenes or like the Church priest from Nuovo cinema paradise who sees the movies first, bells and edits the nude/ kissing scenes and screen the censored version to the whole folks of the town. Force feeding some adults with movies like Settai, In the name family content or kudumba padam, makes them feel like an insane, immature fellow, forced by their dads to run, play and goof around in Disneyland as they aren’t allowed to hang out at pubs, clubs and restaurants. Let’s keep counting our days where we folks will still be forced to stay alone at Disney land and stand still like Jim carrey from The Truman Show.

Dreaming in Limbo state, I wish that our people mindset changes and prepares up to adapt the relaity and everybody (Director, Producer, Actors, Censorboard) must grow a pair or at least a single ball and make/ release a movie with adult/ mature comedy, offensive language, vulgar and violence content . We adult/ mature audience must support such efforts.  Dear censors, Give us a fucking ‘A’ or ‘AA’ or ‘AAA’ but release it Goddamit.

Let’s all stop our utter foolish Settai, raise our hands to lord almighty and growup by growing a pair. Amen.